I would like to be paid in American money anyway

At long last, The Age of Company Z has come to a close. In the course of our on-again-off-again semi-professional entirely virtual long-distance relationship, I…

  • sent a cover letter
  • did a writing test
  • provided a resume
  • took a phone interview
  • did an editing test (sorry, “exercise”)
  • passed the editing test but didn’t hear back
  • emailed four times, at four different times, to three different email addresses
  • contacted the recruiter through the website portal
  • finally received an email from the recruiter apologizing that no one from the editorial staff ever got back to me
  • got a phone call to schedule a second phone interview for a new position they made up
  • did the second phone interview
  • got an email to schedule a Skype interview with the entire editorial team
  • Skyped for an hour with the entire editorial team
  • sent a thank you email to the boss
  • got an email back from the boss, saying they would interview through Thanksgiving and “be in touch shortly thereafter”
  • emailed the boss again two weeks after Thanksgiving to ask if they were still looking for someone for this position
  • got a form response, copied below

Subject: Your application for Assistant Editor at Company Z

Thank you very much for chatting with us via Skype and for your nice note. We all really enjoyed meeting you and hearing about how your experiences as a Company Z user have piqued your interest in becoming a member of our editorial team. We’ve interviewed several people for the position, and have ultimately decided that another candidate is better suited for the job. That said, you seem like a very thoughtful, smart, and determined individual—a combination of qualities that are rare and mesh well with our start-up-type environment—so we will certainly keep you in mind should there be any more openings in our department moving forward.

Thank you for your time and interest, and hope you stay in touch.

Sincerely,

The Company Z Recruiting Team

Company Z, it’s not you, it’s me. 

A few things I would like to point out to you. First, as I told you in our Skype interview, I am not a Company Z user. I went the honesty is the best policy route and told you that. I gave a great reason, which made you laugh by the way, for why I am not a Company Z user.

Second, I most certainly will not keep in touch. Your interview process was like having a pen pal who never writes back. <kicks toes in dirt>

Third, if this is how you run the interview process, I can only imagine how you run the actual company and I have been working long enough to know that I like to be paid in American money–and on a regular basis–and don’t think that your tantalizing offers of virtual Ebay dollars or Chuck E. Cheese coins or Cedar Point tickets whatever you “pay” your employees with would have cut it for me.

Finally, you just turned me down for a job you didn’t interview me for. Dumbasses.

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