“Acting on dangerous impulses, extreme mania, and attempts at suicide”

I’m not sure if I’m supposed to swallow it whole or take bites.

The protracted list of rather ignominious symptoms possible with the new meds Dr. M prescribed has done much to both entertain and terrify me. I realize they have to list every last thing remotely and potentially related to the taking of this gargantuan pill, but couldn’t “increase in hair glossiness” and “weight loss from the thigh region specifically” be on there?

This particular pill is an antiepileptic medication, intended to provide pain relief and treat some seizure disorders. Since we have yet to determine why my arm seizes up and my hand can’t hold a pencil to write my own name anymore, why not try the meds that can cause panic attacks and “new or worse irritability.” (Burn.)

As with many things Martha-related, I tell myself this or that won’t affect me the same way this or that affects other people. Martha herself never caused problems, after all, so I feel like we’re way ahead of the game when it comes to side effects and symptoms. Dr. M suggested that taking these meds before bed would mean that I’m sleeping when I would otherwise be experiencing jerky movements, double vision, and aggressive, angry and violent behavior feelings of fatigue and drowsiness.

Of course, the medication guide provided by the pharmacy suggests not driving while taking this medication until I know how it affects me. I get that. But if I am also supposed to be on alert for “thoughts about suicide or dying, new or worse depression, and new or worse anxiety,” shouldn’t I be around people, not freezing alone in a basement?

Oh wait. <rereads> Ah yes, I’m only supposed to contact someone for help if these symptoms are “new, worse, or worry you.” Well then. If I’m ok with these horrible thoughts and their accompanying viral infection (what the h—???) then I don’t need to tell a healthcare provider a darn thing.

Is this a joke? Am I on candid camera?

Suddenly I feel like the gift card the pharmacy tech gave me for my wait was more like my last meal than anything else. Wah wah.

In other news, a book I ordered with my gift card from the parents arrived today and I’m pumped to read it! I guess if I die in my sleep, I’ll go happily dreaming of Scottish highlanders and clever writing.

Meh, could be worse.

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7 thoughts on ““Acting on dangerous impulses, extreme mania, and attempts at suicide”

  1. After I read each post I want to comment, “You crack me up!” but then I think, I can’t reply with the same comment after each post. . Then I think, have I ever even told her?

    P.s. You crack me up.

  2. gosh! I just went back and read all of your posts from the beginning because I had no idea what “Martha” was or why you needed to take such a giant pill! do the Dr.’s know what exactly is the problem? Or are they still working on it? Have the results of the biopsy come back?

  3. “taking these meds before bed”… Will you be blogging tomorrow about the dreams that visit you this evening? Yikes.

    And out of curiosity: which hand do you use to hold the mouse when you draw?

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