I love the expression “First World problems.” It refers to an issue that is really only an “issue” for someone who lives in a land of clean running water, indoor plumbing, refrigeration, brick houses, insurance, and 24-hour grocery stores. The phrase is best used in comically pointing out to someone, or oneself, how big a deal something really isn’t.
See below for some of my experiences this week with First World problems, which, while definitely not real problems or matters of life or limb, can be a pebble in anyone’s J.Crew flats.
Me: I will buy pineapple today!
Also Me: Let’s get the pre-cut kind that comes in the short little plastic container.
Me: Yes, that will be good. That will be just the right amount and it’s only $3.
Also Me: Oh no! They are sold out of the short little containers. How about the big tall container?
Me: $8 for pre-cut pineapple! Sin. I won’t pay that.
Also Me: Sheesh, no kidding. Let’s look at the whole pineapples.
Me: How do I know if a whole pineapple is ripe?
Also Me: Look it up on your iPhone 4 that is fully charged thanks to the electricity that runs through your clean, safe apartment.
Me: Ok. These pineapples don’t look ripe, according to ehow.com. I don’t want to spend $5 on a pineapple that I have to cut up only to find it’s not ripe.
Also Me: And the $8 pre-cut pineapple is definitely out?
Me: Definitely. Maybe I’ll just get more grapes.
Also Me: Darn. Pineapple sounded really good.
Me: I know, but I can’t justify $8 and I don’t want to waste $5 on an unripe one that I have to work for.
Also Me: Egad! Do you see what I see?
Me: YES! Only in America.
Next to the deli, propped up enticingly in a bed of ice, were whole halves of pineapples. Clearly ripe, half the cutting done already, and affordable. Where else can someone be unsatisfied with the first three pineapple options and then have yet a fourth choice?
Last week I ordered a small collection of maternity clothes from Old Navy. With all of my regular bottoms uncomfortably snug or impossible to pull up these days, I was particularly excited for my order to arrive with the two pairs of capris I had chosen. The reviews of these lightweight warm weather pants were nothing short of raves.
I placed my order for two pairs of these maternity capris, one khaki and one gray, size M.
Somewhere along the way my order must have translated into, “send me two pairs of the biggest pants you have, I don’t even want to untie these suckers to get into them. Make sure the legs are twice the length of my body and I would like two of the same color.”
My disappointment when pulling these eternal swaths of fabric, loosely shaped into pants of positively gargantuan proportions, out of their plastic bags was palpable. And of course the capris I actually placed an order for are sold out online now. I guess it wasn’t meant to be, but soon I am going to start sweating in my one pair of maternity jeans and the First World is one place where pants are required. Stay tuned…this could become an actual problem of Old Navy pants-sized proportions.