No, Dad, we didn’t meet your buddy. Sorry for the false alarm.
Two Fridays ago the husband took the day off and I went into the District for an MRI to check on Martha. After the trauma of trying to find this medical center in the first place and parking in THE absolute strangest parking garage–seriously straight out of an M. Night Shyamalan movie–it was all standard fare. Very much been there, done that, except none of the nurses recognize me at this new place.
MRI tech: Have you had an MRI before?
Me: Haha, a few times, yes.
MRI tech: So you know the procedure pretty well?
Me: I do.
MRI tech: Ok, you can change in here and then bring your valuables into the next room and we’ll put them in a locker.
Me: <changes into blue paper gown and matching hospital socks, shoves clothes into purse to go in locker, crams everything into locker the size of a thumb>
MRI tech: <places IV for contrast> The first part will be about 30 minutes, then we’ll slide you out, add the contrast, and put you back in for another 15 minutes of imaging. We’ll be all wrapped up in about an hour.
Me: I have a four-week-old at home. I will be asleep in about 19 seconds. Shake me when I’m supposed to get up.
MRI tech: Congratulations!
Me: Thank you. Makes you think when an MRI sounds like a nice chance to rest.
MRI tech: Ok, here comes the football helmet. <clicks face cage into place> Would you like a blanket?
MRI tech: See you in 30 minutes.
30 minutes later
MRI tech: How are you doing?
Me: I’m napping and quite cozy, actually.
MRI tech: Good.
15 minutes later
MRI tech: All set! <slides me out>
Me: Here I am, right where you left me.
MRI tech: Hahaha! If you need some water I can get you some.
Me: Can you get me some merlot instead?
MRI tech: Hahahaha!
Me: …is that a no?
And then I went on my way, spent the weekend sick as a dog, and woke up on Sunday night. I’m still not sure what happened to those two days, but I couldn’t nurse the little oyster for 48 hours because of the contrast anyway, so no one really suffered. The husband got to spend day and night with his little girl and I slept like a Van Winkle.
My follow up with Dr. M was the next Friday. The little oyster came with me and sat patiently in her car seat for the entire appointment, including the 35 minutes in the waiting room. Not to worry though, Animal Planet was on and we watched a special on elephants in Borneo. We like to learn, the oyster and I.
Then came the good news. I would say it was the “good and unexpected news” but I don’t know why good news should surprise, especially when it’s an exact answer to prayer.
Dr. M: You had MRI one week ago, yes?
Me: Yes. Did they get the scans over to you?
Dr. M: Yes. MRI was normal.
Me: Come again?
Dr. M: MRI of brain was normal.
Dr. M: So this is good. This is very good.
Me: I’m sorry, it was normal? As in, nothing has changed since last year or, like, normal normal? Like a regular brain?
Dr. M: <reads from report> “MRI of brain shows no abnormality.”
Me: It’s just a brain in there?
Dr. M: MRI was normal. I am very happy. I think we check in one year. Now we discuss neck and handwriting, yeah?
We discussed my neck and the syrinx (Dr. M suggested an MRI of *that* in six months if things change, one year if they don’t, and also suggested that I’ll probably never have decent handwriting again) and then I went on my way with the little oyster, got in the car, and cried.
A normal MRI? Martha is MIA? ‘Tis the thanksgiving season indeed. Amen.