In which we write our wills

7:30 a.m.

Me: We need to finish writing our wills tonight.
The husband: We should finish writing our wills tonight.
Me: Thanks for backing me up on this.

8:00 p.m.

The husband: So let’s write our wills. What do we need?
Me: We have the documents on the laptop, we just need to fill them out.
The husband: Ok. Let’s see here.
Me: Please read the directions.
The husband: Seems pretty straightforward.
Me: It is. Please read carefully.
The husband: So this is…where I…type my name.
Me: No.
The husband: No?
Me: No, read the instructions.
The husband: It says “name.”
Me: Yeah, name of the person to whom you’re bequeathing specific real or personal property.
The husband: Which means…
Me: Which means if you type your name there you’re leaving yourself all your stuff when you die.
The husband: Hush, I have to read the directions.

8:15 p.m.

The husband: And we’re making XXXXXXX our trustee?
Me: Yes, I think so. Do you?
The husband: Yes. And if XXXXXXX can’t do it, it asks for a contingent trustee.
Me: Easy enough, XXXXXXXX.
The husband: Or… <types>
Me: <reads screen> Steven Segal?
The husband: It’s my will.

8:30 p.m.

The husband: Aaaand here it says to add my initials.
Me: Just to the clauses you want to keep in the will. For example, if you were reading you’d notice that you have requested both burial in a cemetery and cremation and scattering at the behest of our executor.
The husband: I don’t know how I feel about cremation.
<we pause for theological discussion and the role of the body in eternity>
Me: So don’t initial next to it.
The husband: <removes initials> So I have to fill in these blanks. “I wish to be buried in _____ (CEMETERY) in _________ (COUNTY) in ______ (STATE).” I want to be buried in….
Me: <giggling> …the ground.
The husband: <giggling> Yeah! I’m putting that. In what county? I know! <types>
Me: <reads screen> “In a county of Rob Lowe’s choosing.” Wow.
The husband: Rob Lowe will know what to do. He’s amazing.
<both giggling>
Me: We may need to sleep on this.

In the end, we finished our wills. A will is a very serious thing and it represents a very serious and somber event. That’s why we’re fans of a little levity in the process.

We should have had our wills and other documents like this done long ago, certainly before the oyster arrived, and although I’m ashamed it took us so long we’re all set now. Now that we have done our due diligence, I’m going to pester encourage readers to do the same. If you’re an adult, make a will. If you have assets, make a will. And if you have dependents of any kind, make a will.

But don’t list Steven Segal as your trustee, he may be busy.

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