Dogblog: What’s a bad-ask?

A few weekends ago my dad was gone and my mom took me and the naked puppy to play with some cousins in a big house with a big yard and I had so. much. fun. Tons of funs. All over. And also my mom came home with a bike from her cousins, for my dad to use because he has been talking forever about riding this kind of bike (dad says it’s a “fixed gear” but I hear “fixed” and I plug my ears and I go in the other room) and so dad has been using it which means…

…my mom is also exercising. She told my dad after they lost the other naked pup in January and found out in February that they can’t add to the pack until this fall that she wants to “lose weight” but I don’t know why she wants to when every time someone “loses” something it’s a bad thing.

Grown ups are so confusing to me. Also confusing: Who ate all my big Milkbones?

Anyway, every day when Mom goes exercising, she puts on her stinky exercise shirts and puts a little black X on the calendar so she knows when she did her exercises. Sometimes she makes me go but I hate the exercises. Yesterday Mom got so speedy and I was being so slow that she brought me home and put me back in the house still wearing my leash. That’s how much she was in a hurry to do exercising. The naked puppy doesn’t seem to mind, but that’s because all she does is sit in her stroller and enjoy the view. Pups these days.

Sometimes I hear my mom say that doing her sweaty-exercises makes her feel like a “bad ask” but I thought asking was good so I really do not get it. I was pretending to sleep the other day when Mom was talking to herself about jogging with the stroller and me (ugh) and how having a baby and then having some weights to lose (on purpose! again, what??) and hauling all three of us around the neighborhood makes her feel like a “bad-ask.”

I guess Mom’s exercises are making her happy though because she is missing some of her weight. I don’t know why she doesn’t look for it, the way we all have to look for Dad’s keys when he loses them. Like I said, grown ups are confusing to me.

So Dad is happy because his bike is “fixed” (LALALALALA CAN’T HEAR YOU ) and Mom can’t find some of her weight every time she comes back from her baby-doctor’s office every month and that makes her happier and happier so she keeps doing her exercises. Today she’s wearing pants that usually she wears not buttoned (woof! wasn’t supposed to say that!) but they are buttoned up and she even had to wear her belt tighter yesterday on her jeeenes genes Jene’s? regular blue pants. I think she looks very nice but I still don’t understand why no one is looking for the weight she keeps losing! Sometimes I try to help her find it and she says to get my nose out of her ear.

What? Maybe that’s where all my Milkbones went. Sheesh.




Dogblog: I’m the sole beneficiary!

Hi! My mom was really embarrassed when she looked at someone else’s (really funny) blog today and realized she hadn’t posted anything since Election Day. And while she is clutching her hair over her face in great shame and considering making the transition to full-time momblog here on redwhiteandnew, I volunteered to bound in and put up a post. Me to the rescue! See? What goes around comes around.*

So here’s what we’ve been up to lately, but I’m not going to include pictures because Mom’s phone is charging in the corner and the naked puppy already used it to call the doctor’s office this morning (oops) so both of us are paws-off for now:

1. November flew by! First, Mom and Dad celebrated their 5th anniversary and had a really fun night out while not one but TWO of my aunts stayed here to play with me and watch the naked puppy. And Gilmore Girls. We also watched them.

2. Another weekend we had friends in town and Mom was really happy about that because they were her friends and she got to go out and about all weekend and take in the monuments and Old Town and that kind of fun stuff that she only really does when guests are in town.

3. Then it was Thanksgiving and Mom and Dad and the naked puppy went to the old home state but I got the best end of that deal–the little sister–aka my very own live-in girlfriend–came to stay with me here and on Thanksgiving I got bacon and an egg in my breakfast! I was very thankful indeed! And later, when my girlfriend went to a friend’s house for her own people-Thanksgiving, she put peanut butter and some Doritos into my Kong and I had a delightful dog-Thanksgiving lunch.

4. When Mom and Dad and the naked puppy came home from their Thanksgiving, it took them a really long time and my girlfriend and I had prepared a nice Thanksgiving dinner for everyone and we ate it at 10:00 at night. It was fun. The naked puppy was a little bit sick, which has never happened before, so probably she wasn’t having much fun but she bounced back after a few days.

5. And now it’s December and Christmas is in less than two weeks! My grandparents from the old home state are coming here to stay with me while my parents and the nakie go to see Dad’s family. I am so, so excited about hosting my own Christmas guests.

6. In sad news though, our friends who live next door had to put down their very old and very sweet dog last weekend. They are very sad. I don’t blame them. My parents will miss me like the chickens (Mom says that’s not the phrase but hey, I would miss chickens if they went away for good) when I go to The Big Farm one day. But what’s kind of neat for me is that our friends gave me all of their dog’s treats and flea meds and now I have a huge box of the biggest Milkbones I have ever seen. Wow. These things are like, my size! Dad said it’s like their doggy left a will and I’m the sole beneficiary. That sounds pretty serious but then again so are these Milkbones so I nodded along very solemnly and then ate one of my beneficiary-treats in the corner where no one could see me taking individual bites of it like a girl.

Ok, Mom says she should be back on the blog in a few days and told me I can have a treat for posting today. I hope she gives me one of my mini Milkbones because those I can practically swallow whole and then I feel like a boss.

*My mom and dad rescued me. Or adopted me, however you want to say it. That’s what that reference was to. Adopted pups are the way to go! I endorse you doing so. I got jokes.

Dogblog: How we introduced the naked puppy to the pack


Our really nice neighbors who live behind the next door just had a naked puppy. I didn’t get to go over and see her last night because she has her own big brother dog and he doesn’t really like dog-company but my mom and dad told me how cute and tiny their new nakie is! Since my own naked pup came home eight months ago, lots of people say how good our pack gets along and some people are even surprised that I am nice to my naked puppy! Of course I am nice to her, I am a nice dog and she is a nice puppy and our mom and our dad are nice to both of us. But I guess sometimes it’s hard to bring a new pup home to a pack so I wanted to tell everyone how we did it, just remember that this is how expanding our pack worked for us and I don’t know your pack so this is a story, not really advice:

1. My mom and dad still make me feel special

special pup

Sometimes the naked puppy needs all my mom and dad’s attention and that’s ok. But she doesn’t always need all their attention and then it’s time for them to share some with me. When the puppy is sleeping or playing quietly by herself now that she’s big enough to do that, my mom will sit on the floor with me and I can lay my head on her knees and she pets me and tells me how nice I am and I don’t have to share her for a few minutes. And when my dad takes me for a walk after work, we usually go just the two of us. But on the weekends when it’s really nice out, all four of us walk together as a pack and I really like that! It’s fun to spend time with my whole pack and my mom and dad make sure I’m not left out.

2. Nothing is off-limits to me

Well, kind of. Like, I don’t get up on the furniture or anything because I learned a long time ago that I get in trouble for that and I don’t go in the bathroom because I don’t fit. But when the naked puppy was still under my mom’s shirt, I was always allowed in the baby’s room when it was getting ready. They didn’t want me to be mad at the puppy for making parts of our house off-limits, so they just told me to use my best manners around the nakie and her things and so I always do. My mom says this made one less thing for her to keep track of and I think that means she has more time to scratch my soft ears. Also, I never ever ever chew on her toys or her books. Ever. I’m so good.

3. My bed is off-limits to the puppy

My mom says I am very wise (and that’s why I have 12 gray hairs on my back) and when I need a break I go in my bed that is in our living room. When I am in my bed everyone leaves me alone and my mom doesn’t let the puppy get near me when I’m in my bed. Then again, I don’t spend a lot of time in my bed during the day because when the naked puppy is on the floor I like to smell her feet so I lay by her.

4. We are a pack

Every pack member has a different role and each member is the best one to do that role. I am so philosophical! My mom gets sad when people have a naked puppy and then get rid of their furbabies because of, well, I don’t know why someone would do that. I think if you act like a pack then you wouldn’t do that. Dogs like me think like dogs (but I’m good at typing, which is a people thing) and if we are smart dogs, we love our naked pack members and just want to keep being a pack no matter how many naked puppies we add. My mom and dad don’t expect me to act or listen like a human, they meet me on a dog level–again with the philosophy, I can’t stop myself!–and that helps us all get along great.

5. I have dog friends


photo(40) photo(41)

6. No one eased me into it because I’m not the alpha

Like I said, my mom and dad are nice and they love me very much. They know what I can handle and they expect me to roll with the punches when that’s reasonable. They explain to me what is going on and I always act like I understand their words even if I am just listening to their tone and seeing if they are being leaders or if they are nervous. When my mom and especially my dad are confident, then I am too. They are my alphas and if they think I can handle something, then I know I can!

I guess that’s it. My mom and dad have a pack mentality. My mom and dad really make sure I still feel special every day but the little naked puppy gets attention before I do if she needs it. I like to lick her itty bitty paws because they always taste a little bit sweet. Last week my nakie and I were both laying on the floor and I was making sure she didn’t escape her floor blanket. But I was behind her and she kept kicking me in the face and I didn’t even mind! I can smell her intentions and she wasn’t trying to be mean and my mom told me I could move if it bothered me but it didn’t bother me because the naked pup wasn’t kicking me that hard plus I’m a little bit lazy sometimes and I didn’t feel like getting up. And sometimes her toes were tickling my ears and I liked that.

I love my naked puppy and my mom and my dad and I know they love me too, even though I have to share them now. We are a good pack and if you know of anyone who is getting a new naked puppy, I hope you tell them good luck and have fun, because dogs and babies can mix great if you keep the belly rubs coming.

sleepy pup

Dogblog: A hard day’s work


Well, there I am, ready for a big day in the office! (I’m not wearing a tie like I sometimes do because I was going to my mom’s office for most of the day and they are relaxed about that.) Sometimes when the House is in recess I get to go to work with my mom and my dad, and Thursday was one of those days! I hadn’t been to their working buildings in such a very long time, and I was excited to be back. As always, I used my best manners and made my mom and my dad very proud of me.

The first time I ever went to the work with my dad, he made me go up the escalator with him. That was kind of scary because I didn’t get it. It was sorta like this (you have to click on it):


But anyway, now when I go to work my dad and I run up the stairs together. And then I ride on the elevator up to my mom’s office because I’m always allowed in there and only sometimes in my dad’s office. Before my mom and I get on the elevator with other people, she always asks if they mind dogs, because I do kind of take up a lot of space and she says sometimes people don’t like to be so close to handsome dogs like me when they are at work.

On Thursday we rode the freight elevator up to her office. It was a little scary as elevators go because it was big and loud not nice and carpeted like the ones we usually ride up in. When we got out, I knew just where to go! I remembered! All the interns in my mom’s office were SO excited to see me. They are really far away from their families and their own dogs so I got lots of scratches and pets and everyone was happy.

So happy, in fact, that I was worn out pretty quick and had to lay next to my mom’s chair to rest.


See that ball? I get to bring one toy to the office with me. I picked one of my new blue tennis balls from my nana. When I wasn’t napping or flirting with the interns, I was chewing quietly on it.

But then I had work to do, see? I was helping my mom with her foreign affairs research.


And then I went to play with my new girlfriends in the front part of the office, and decided I would snooze out there with them for a while, like this:

photo(15)Usually I stay in the back by my mom’s desk just in case people are scared of handsome dogs like me when they come into the office. But on Thursday I greeted visitors and everyone was so surprised and happy to see me and I got so many pets! And what’s so funny is that they thought I was just a normal handsome dog, they didn’t even know I’m the Cutest Pet on Capitol Hill!

My mom and my dad got lunch from one of the bright colored food trucks that come to Capitol Hill. I waited in line with them so patiently and my mom told the people in front of us that I am famous. I thought that was an invitation to beg the nice lady in front of us for some of her fries and then my mom told me that was rude so I laid down and pretended I didn’t care if she shared her fries with me or not. My mom and dad got their hummus sandwiches and ate on one of the big patios by their buildings. All the tourists who walked by thought it was so funny to see a dog having lunch with his people.

After lunch and a good long afternoon walk, I snoozed some more but this time in my dad’s office. And after all my hard work of minding my manners and being cute and playing nice with my blue tennis ball and the nice interns in my mom’s office, it was time to go home.

All in a day’s work!


Dogblog: A pup’s gotta do what a pup’s gotta do

Image(This is me the other week when my mom first set up this little dog bed for the naked puppy to play on. She told me I am not to put one paw on there and I’m a good listener so I don’t. But except I sniff it a lot with my nose.)

Yippee, I’m back! Ok, I can’t get too excited because my mom said that if I drool on the keyboard I have to clean it up and then I have to help her fold the laundry so I will just use my words and not my drools to show how excited I am to be my mom’s guest blogger again!¬†Yay me!

My mom is really busy these days. Actually, she’s been really busy since the naked puppy my little sister arrived and she kinda has an evening to herself right now. Instead of catching up on her blog (and trust me, there is puh-lenty to catch up on, but don’t tell her I said that because she’ll probably feel bad like she does when she is cleaning out my ears and I give her The Saddest Eyes I Have) she is drinking chocolate milk with a straw and getting ready to read the book she always carries around the house and never opens. But she was very embarrassed to see that her last post was in January so I made it very clear that I would be happy to help out with the bloggings in exchange for two Milk-Bones and, well, that’s all I asked for. A pup’s gotta do what a pup’s gotta do! So here I am, helping out my mom while she slurps down the rest of her chocolate milk.

My dad and my favorite Aunt Who Lives Here went out to dinner with some of my mom and dad’s friends who are in town for a conference. Everyone was going to go at first, even the naked puppy, but then it was getting later and later and the nakie was fussy and so very tired and my mom was not feeling good about taking her out and plus then she had dots on her cheeks so mama said you guys go out, I will put on my pink around the house pants and stay home. She put the naked puppy right in her bed and that little cutie was fast asleep before mom could even turn on her humidifier that looks like an elephant!

I really like the naked puppy. She is almost six months old. Mom said please don’t bring that up again because she hasn’t been good about posting the naked oyster puppy budget in months and months but she has been keeping track of her spendings and I think I should talk about something else now because mama is looking at me and telling me with her eyes to change the subject.

Did you see my picture at the top of my post? Now that the naked puppy is old enough to play around on the floor, she’s my buddy on the carpet sometimes. She has her own little puppy dog bed to play on, and it has bright colors and little rattles that she can grab. I am not allowed on this, not even with one paw. See in the picture how good I can listen? And this picture right here is me and the nakie when she turned five months, at the end of February:


My mom likes to take a picture of us every month, to show how big the little pup is getting compared to me. It’s kind of funny, my dad and my mom both say how big my little sister is, but then they tell me I’m their big buddy and that naked puppy sure is a lot smaller than me so I don’t know how we can both be big. I think only I’m the big one. She’s little. Still, I like her. We ride in the backseat of the car together when we go on family adventures and I listen so good and never climb out of the naked puppy’s side of the car, I always use my own side.

A few weeks ago my parents got me a new collar and a new name tag. My new collar is green like my old one, but it’s spiffy and not all worn out! My new name tag has my name and some important information on it because I lost my old new name tag a few weeks ago. Oops.

Well, my Milk-Bones are calling me on the phone so I’m going to nom nom nom them and go to bed. We had a family adventure at my sitters’ house today! I played in the yard while everyone ate chicken sandwiches and I only got yelled at for a minute when I licked the pan the Portobellos had marinated in. Balsamic vinegar was the main ingredient in the marinade, so dad said I got what I deserved.

P.S. Mom says the Milk-Bones weren’t calling me on the phone, she says they were “calling my name.” I think it means the same thing and my mama is just very tired.

Dogblog: See, Dad? It’s not scary

Hello, good readers! Dietrich here. I’m very proud to be the Cutest Pet on Capitol Hill the very first guest blogger ever on redwhiteandnew. My mom has offered the chance to my dad before, but he says he’s not quite brave enough so I wanted to show him it’s not scary at all! Any dad with thumbs and any handsome Rottweiler Lab mix can do it!

As you can imagine, life is a little different since the naked puppy my little sister arrived. Right when she had to get born, I had a ton of fun. First, I got to go to BOTH of my awesome sitters’ houses while Mom and Dad went to the hospital. Next, my Nana and Papa came to visit me and we went on great walks and Nana gave me a ball and I got most excellent belly-and-ear rubs from them when they weren’t all ooo-ey and ahh-ey over the naked puppy my little sister. And then when the big storm–my mom and dad called it “sandy” but I called it just super rainy–came and we went to see our grandparents in case the power went out I got to play in a big field and then I found two deer and I ran after them like a bullet! They were faster than me but woohoo, I gave them a run for their deer money.

When my mom still wasn’t feeling that good some strangers brought us food for dinners. One of the strangers brought a short person who patted me on the head and rolled my inside ball around for me and I really liked that. Then my mom’s sisters all came to visit! Not at the same time or I would have had to bunk up with someone–ew, girls. Even my dad’s mama came to visit and hold the naked puppy my little sister which I really liked because that meant my dad could take me to the park and play, just me and him. I like those times.

Nowadays I’m just working on being a stoic big brother. Like my photo at the top of this post? I have to teach the naked puppy my little sister how to do important things like ignore dumb dogs that bark too much, sleep for hours and hours, find all the crumbs under the kitchen table, and mosey along when you want a walk to last longer. I want her to take me seriously as a teacher so I used my serious look when Mom took the picture. She told me to knock it off and smile next time.

Maybe I will, if that means I can dogblog again!