Get while the gettin’s good

The little oyster could arrive any day and the husband and I are excited about that.

But we have enjoyed being a two-person-and-then-a-dog family for the last four years and we realize that we’ll be giving up some of what we’re used to in terms of flexibility, availability, and portability. Not sacrificing, but giving up. There’s a difference and I think the difference is attitude. So while it’s still just us, we have made it a point to get while the gettin’s good.

Last weekend, over Labor Day, two of my besties came to visit. The husband chauffeured us around the monuments at night so we didn’t have to find parking and walk a ton but for most of our daytime activities, it was just the girls, sans car seat, sans diaper bag, sans nursing breaks. We had a blast. The little oyster’s new toy holder, a one-of-a-kind piece found at Eastern Market last Saturday, was a gift from them.

This week the husband and I puttered around the apartment after work each night and once I even tried to go to bed at 8:00 just because I still can. Alas, my brain wasn’t on the same page as my body so I got up again at 9:30 and played with Dietrich until 11 when all of us were ready for bed.

Yesterday I slept in and went out to breakfast with some friends. Then I took a four-hour nap in the afternoon before the husband and I went out to meet some friends in Georgetown at 9:30 because we still can right now. The only planning ahead required is making sure there are enough Milkbones in the box to toss some to Dietrich while we lock the door behind us.

Unfortunately, being on my feet at our event last night set off a series of contractions and sciatica so bad that my leg hardly worked this morning and we skipped church while I parked myself as comfortably as possible in a living room chair.*

And now our afternoon takes us out to catch up with more friends. Catching up while sitting still, I’m hoping. I don’t need to stand up to cheer for the Eagles game anyway. The husband will be loud enough for all three of us. And the table next door, no doubt.

* When we moved out here, we sold or donated most of our household items, especially furniture. The shoebox didn’t have room for a couch and when we moved to the condo, I was between jobs so we didn’t want to drop the $$ on one, not knowing when I’d be working again and for how much. And now I have a great job, the oyster is imminent, and our new gray microsuede couch arrives at our door a week from Tuesday. We almost bought the lovely celadon green couch but then remembered that we have a black dog, so chose granite instead.

 

So you’d like to live in our commonwealth

Welcome to Arlington. Before you park on our streets and flush our toilets, please answer the following questions and obtain the following registrations and permits.

You need to park on the street in front of your own house. You need a permit for this. To obtain one, we need to know the following:
1. How old were you when you first got your driver’s license?
2. Are you the original owner or lessee of your vehicle?
3. How far do you drive every year?
3a. In miles. 3b. In kilometers. 3c. We meant kilometres.
4. Do you ever drive anyone in your vehicle?
4a. How many people? 4b. How often? 4c. How tall are they?
5. How tall are you?
6. Shoe size?
7. What’s your sign?
8. Do you eat breakfast every day?
9. Make, model, and year of the vehicle.

You need to obtain the correct residential parking permit. Please indicate which permit you are applying for. You may or may not apply for the right one, and it may or may not be free. We might also make up new ones between the time when you apply and the time we issue a permit.
1. Flex Pass
2. Vehicle Specific
3. Landlord Permit
4. Short term visitor
5. Long term visitor

To obtain a permit, you must prove residency. To prove residency, you may park in the street outside your new place long enough to unload your household, but please don’t stop to use the bathroom before running down here to apply for the permit to park. Also, please don’t actually run over here. You need a permit for this.

Please note, there are four zones in Arlington County and your permit is not valid in all of them, so try not to drive your car once you park it. And don’t park it in the wrong place.

Well, now that you have unloaded your car and obtained a temporary pass to park in our streets, we see that you have a dog to walk. You need a permit for this. To obtain one, we need to know the following:
1. How old were you when you got your first dog?
2. How many Christmases did you have to ask for a dog before getting one?
3. Does your dog like to ride in the car?
4. Where are you parking your car right now?
5. Did you fall for our trick question?
6. Do you brush your dog’s teeth, as recommended by the American Veterinarians Council?
7. Did your dog go to obedience school?
7a. Private? 7b. Public? 7c. Charter? 7d. Parochial?
8. Breed, age, and vaccination history of dog.

So, your dog needs to poo, does he? You need a permit for this. To obtain one, we need to know the following:
1. Are you collecting your dog’s waste in biodegradable post-consumer material or reusable fair trade organic animal waste baggies?
2. Do you buy these locally or order them from Etsy?
3. Where do you put these bags when they are full?
4. Can you prove residency at this address?
5. Is this the address listed on your parking permit?
6. Did you fall for our trick question this time?

And now we see that you’d like to dispose of your dog’s waste. Naturally, you’ll need a permit for this.
1. Can you prove residency at the address at which you are disposing of the animal waste?
1a. If yes, we’d like to see your permit. If no, which car is yours?
2. Do you know that animal waste is biodegradable?
3. Then why are you throwing the poo in the trash can?
4. No, that’s still not the right trash can.
5. Didn’t you register for the right kind of trash can when you were registering your vehicle, your shoes, your dog, your poop baggies, your iPhone, and your first-born child?
6. What makes you think you can hack it here?
7. Why are you crying?
8. Why are you rocking in the corner and eating your hair? (You’ll need a permit for that.)
9. Don’t you want to live in our commonwealth, where everyone drives new emissions-free cars and wears sensible shoes?
10. Are you jumping in the river?
10a. Permit required.